July 5, 2015. I wake up dazed and naked on a trestle table to a bucket of iced water sloshing over my fast shrivelling testicles. Where am I, who are these people, what the hell is happening?
Slowly my addled brain pieces things together. I'd been a couple of hundred metres from finishing the Gold Coast marathon, a good few minutes ahead of the 3:15 PB I was aiming for. Pushing hard. Too hard.
Spreadeagled on that hard wooden table in a crowded medical tent, groping through some heavy frontal cortex fog, time slowed. Seconds became hours. Lots of time to think. God I feel awful. A new low. Should've had more water. What an amateur. Who's that talking to me. What are they saying. Why are my balls in a breeze. Running sucks. No more marathons*. Why did I do that to myself. Fricking idiot*. Where's Lee and Kayla...god they must be worried. I should put my nuts away.
When your core temperature goes over 40 degrees, there's risk of brain damage and organ failure. Apparently, the fastest way to drop core temperature is to cool the scrotum (bad luck, over heated ladies). Or at least that's what the Big Friendly Paramedic tells me, enthusiastically fanning my gonads with a clipboard and clutching another jug of icy ball shrinker. But maybe he was just messing with me. Disturbing.
On the plus side, it does get you thinking about what you want to achieve and experience before that unknown day you fall off your perch. For me, it was a nudge to pull finger and have a crack at some of the wee projects I'd had simmering on the back burner, waiting for the right time. The right time is always now.
It's now July 2016. The Gold Coast marathon was run again last week. Not by me. But, I have grown my own hops for the first time. I've eaten pasta in Positano with Lee and Kayla. I've worked 2 days per week from home (mostly). I've pimped out my home brewery and installed a kegerator. I started Beerskins.
And my balls have remained warm, dry and safe from the BFP.
* sentiments enthusiastically confirmed by my lovely wife
Rachael Kramer says...
PMSL! Brilliantly written, felt like I was there. Sooooooo glad I wasn’t, not an image I want seared on my retinas. Love the lifestyle rethink and wishing you loads of luck in your new ventures. Xxx
July 10, 2016
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